Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Philophobia

Philophobia: Fear of falling in love or being in love


People say, finding The One is a far cry from easy. It takes time, God knows how long. Most people have to pass the awful heartbreaks in the process.. some people are just lucky having their paths crossed with their true love in their early days of searching. I happened to be one of the most people, a girl with acute Philophobia. I fell in and out of love several times before I found The One.

Before my husband and I decided to get married, never in my mind had I ever imagine that it would've been him. He made a move on me when I was least expecting love. He caught me off guard, roughly speaking.

I wasn't expecting any romance at that time. I was too bitter to even believe in love. I believed that men can't be trusted. I believed that I could live happily on my own. I believed that relationship is unnecessary, I believed in marriage... NOT!!! I felt so insecure with love and all the sweet things that go with it. To me, love was just an illusion and not long-lasting.

Obviously I was wrong, now as love already found me... I choose to believe in it. As long as that person is The One for you, it would be easier to believe in love actually. Today I believe that trust must be earned. I believe that commitment is sacred. I believe that I'm better with the one I love in living my life. I believe relationship is a blessing and needs to be worked on. Now... I believe in love.

I was one of them. Young adults, work from 9 to 9, go socializing after work and weekends, fun to be around, lots of friends, failed in relationships several times and it hurts more everytime... Remember ladies, the more your work performance improve, the more messed up your personal life is. There is no such thing as having a balanced life, you cannot have it all. Accept that and make a good decision for yourself. Do not torment yourself. People lie when they tell you they have a very balanced life, they are just people who cannot accept them for themselves. You can try though, if you want. But don't say I didn't warn you! Last but not least, these girls needs to be saved and longing to be saved... actually.

Yes, in the outer shell people see that these girls are strong, independent and brave. But th inner shell, they are affraid someone is not coming their way, desperate to be saved by love, hopeless romantic and oh, all the cynicism about love is just their way to cover up their weaknesses.

You can agree or disagree, above paragraphs are my personal thoughts. I was a Philophobia, but now I'm saved! How about you?



1 comment:

Joe said...

Cheers Amara,
So glad you finnaly came to terms with love. Love is fantastic feeling and the best to rule your life by.
Early this year my long lasting relation came to an end, it had ended long before but i was blind to see it.
Then out of nowere and months later i reacquainted an old friend, me and this girl never really bonded but now i discovered a wonderfull,beautifull,funny, educated, fighter,determinded woman. I felt drawned to her but only cause i needed a new friend but over time i couldn´t help but to fall for her. We have so much in comun, from music to world views, even the way we think, its a match and i couldn´t believe that after such a litle while i was meeting someone this perfect i couldn´t be this lucky!! and im not. She, thanks to past relationships, is afraid to commit, afraid to guive her heart away, like me and everyone else she is terrified to get hurt again and in result she has been alone for years and is acostumed to be like that. I adore her,she is perfect in every detail and even her flaws fit her wonderfully and she holds me in the highest regard and im glad she doesn´t percieve me as all the other men but to my own sorrow she doesn´t feel the same way i do. I respect that! we can not force people to love us but i can´t shake the feeling that her fear of pain is holding her back, clouding her judgement, stoping her from embracing happiness and me..i feel like the universe has guiven me a chance and then took it back! as some kind of sick joke!
I dont wanna get hurt or hurt anyone, thats what i believe in and thats how i keep my heart and my conscience pure but i know not what to do or what to think!
Why?

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