Monday, July 05, 2010

Love: Lost & Found

You know - they say once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. It may not be the kind of fairy tale you'd always expected, it may not always have a happy ending... But nevertheless, when the reality is better than your dreams or those fantasies you read in a story book or those disney movies, I still consider it as a fairy tale.

In an attempt not to compete with Disney and all its princesses (believe me!), I'd still like to humor myself by making an effort to at least try to excavate my soul and what's left out of my mind to scribble a little piece that you all might find somewhat rather amusing to read. This is my version anyhow.

It's a wonder where inspirations can actually emerge. Often it comes from excessive joy, or heart-wrenching agony. But this time, the most substantial ones come from my friends or family. It is their stories, their wits, and their tremendous intime involvements that never fail to stimulate me to write. It is between their splendors and manifest miseries that I find myself somewhat pertinent in relativity. And yes, there are many dramas going around that I found interesting. 

You see, once upon a long time ago I met several boys and a few men; few of them had the capability of breaking my heart in a millisecond. Jerks were ditched along the way, didn't give them any chance to even try. Sometimes I was so love-struck my logic has been torn apart. There were times when I didn't want to risk them all, but I thought "what the hell... we only live once", and so I did. Before I know it, I was in over my head. They were more or less charming, witty, yet contriving. Sometimes I found myself suffocated and, because... ah it's hard to explain. But tell me, have you ever really liked someone that you’re just too scared to fall? People said that we build these walls around us and we often never to let our guards down to distance ourselves from others, in order for us not to get hurt. Will he/she be worth it? Will he/she be the one? Or will it just be another exciting beginning of an adventure? I was like that because I hate being vulnerable.

After I was sadly in love with the gentlemen at the wrong time and got broken to pieces, I went through few nights of sorrow - letting myself to cry for just one night (mostly), somewhere along the way I had found myself drifted. I started to walk away, without the willingness to look back no matter how beautiful the memories I had with them. I always succeeded to get up with my own two feet, with every bit of courage left and the tremendous moral pillars surrounding me, I was able to free myself. I walked away for good, never looked back, and those were the best decisions I've made for myself.

I'm not here to lecture. I'm merely sharing. For those of you who didn't know me all that well might think I've had it kinda easy. The truth is, I did. I met some wonderful new people afterwards, my pillars of support (my bestest girlfriends and family) are unshakable, and the best relieve is I have no regrets; none whatsoever. I've always known I did my best, gave my bestest, and yet it wasn't enough, I usually decided to stop. Long story short, then came along my husband :)

So I kissed a frog, it didn't turn into a noble prince, but then I found a few gentlemen, I might have lost that too, then in the end I got lucky...when I least expected love. Please don't think that having boyfriend/girlfriend is everything and the one thing you want the most. Live your life, make mistakes, kiss many "frogs", have fun so you can differentiate between a boy and a man. A gentleman and a jackass. There's a really really fine line between love and completely wasting your time.

I don't pretend to know what love is for each one of you, but what I know love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, feel comfortable and safe with them and also brings out the best in you, turns you into a better person. Don't be with someone just because you cannot live boyfriend/girlfriend-less, you're really not helping anybody. And please, open up your eyes and see the boyfriend/girlfriend you're with right now (if you have one), does this person complete your life (family and friends and work are getting along well) or does this person just make your world revolves around him/her? Make good decision, for your own sake and your own lovely fairy tale ending.

Paulo Coelho once said, “…perhaps we always fall in love the very first time we see the man of our dreams, even though, at the time, reason may be telling otherwise, and we may fight against that instinct, hoping against hope that we won’t win, until there comes a point when we allow ourselves to be vanquished by our feelings…” 

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